I’m going to break the royal “we” for this, as well as my usual professional demeanor, so that I can better communicate with my readers.
I’m deeply burnt out. SubscribeStar isn’t giving me access to the funds you are donating, so please feel free to remove yourself from there. Right now I’m unsure how to, or if I should bother taking donations at current. Many NSFW creators are losing their platforms because of places like SubStar being unable to keep up with the increased demand, now that most other payment processors harshly punish NSFW content. I’ve seen many creators expressing frustration with them, but I can’t say I’m surprised. Nor am I particularly angry. I can’t imagine what that must be like.
What is the goal of this website? You can see the original “about” section. It hasn’t been edited since its inception, save for grammatical errors. It was meant to be an exploration of queer, degenerate art. Sometimes that was hentai, other times that was novels. Once in a while it was indie creations by artists and writers online.
After the Pawoo incident, I felt that it was important to take this more seriously. I wanted to use my platform to help bridge the gap between the layman and academia. It’s hard to understand all of these studies about sexuality, because the language is completely foreign to people who are not able to be part of academia. It’s a type of privilege to be able to understand academia. Higher education costs money and favors those who are already privileged. In trying to translate those things, I had hoped to help people understand why “scary” fiction was normal, necessary, and extremely important for marginalized communities.
It’s been months since I have enjoyed writing a piece on NGH. Months since I have taken any pleasure in working on this website, or talking to people through this medium. It is deeply important to me that I can provide help and reassurance, but the state of things as they are now (KOSA, payment processors cracking down again, US states attempting to ban pornography outright, FurAffinity’s drama surrounding arbitrary rules about Pokémon or “small animal” porn, and more), I simply can’t provide that. And maybe it’s not my responsibility to do so.
I have said before, I am a student. I am not a professional. I can present evidence, I can even help people better understand that evidence, but I can’t do more than that. The real work falls upon you, the reader. You can choose to be curious and explore these topics further, or you can choose to close the page and assume I and anyone like me are somehow dangerous. Nothing I say or do will change the minds of those who are deeply indoctrinated into their own sense of moral grandstanding. All I can do is talk to my colleagues and fellow students, and try to use their aid to better communicate to the reader.
I have no intention of deleting this website, or the resources it provides. It’s not cheap, but I do genuinely believe it’s valuable. If not my actual blogs (I can take them or leave them), then at least my list of resources, here. There aren’t enough resource documents which compile information like this, and the few that exist always seem to have something the others do not. My goal was to condense as much of that as possible into one place. I hope I have succeeded somewhat.
Moving forward, I don’t know what to do with NGH. It’s difficult to take joy in anything anymore. Things are scary. I wonder if I have lamed myself by trying to be more than a fun review blog for porn. As much praise as I have received for it, it feels hallow in the face of everything.
Do I want to write hentai reviews? Do I want to talk about books? Or do I want to keep screaming out into the void, “We have to stop! We have to stop! We’re on the path to fascism! We’re losing!”
Does any of that bring me joy?
I don’t know.
NGH’s website won’t go anywhere, for the time being. If something about that changes, I will let you know. I would also be happy to provide documents for any of the articles here (mine or guest articles) upon request, if for some reason you’re unable to save them yourself.
I’m not the same person who started this, in more ways than just the literal sense.
Please know this: I care about you. I am on your side. I want justice for us. I want the right to be human, to experience and create as humans do. Censorship and fascism kills queers and POC folk. The only people who will suffer in this regime will be the marginalized ones. We have to fight. We have to try and stand strong. But I know as well as you do just how difficult and terrifying that is.
Stand up and fight! Don’t accept being pushed into darker and darker spaces, where we’re rubbing shoulders with real predators. Don’t let yourself be groomed into rhetoric that hurts real people. Fight for your rights to exist openly and without judgement. Shame is a tool of radicalization. Don’t let being shamed by others make you complacent in real acts of harm.
Keep drawing. Keep writing. Keep sharing. Love your favorite ship unapologetically. Explore your trauma without fear. You are real, you aren’t a freak. You are human. You deserve grace and love.
We all do.
Thank you for reading. I hope to see you again, at some point.
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